I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
