Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
