And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
