I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
