Just fell off a train. Bad.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
