I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
