By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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