Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
