he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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