Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
