I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
