i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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