its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
