They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
