HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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