Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
