He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
