I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
