Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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