he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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