So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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