we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
