dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
