I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
