I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
