I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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