I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
