You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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