Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
