I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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