I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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