i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
