porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
