Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
