i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
