i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
