She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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