hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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