Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
