In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
