I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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