and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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