we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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