You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
