he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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