I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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