So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
