I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
either way he was missing a nipple.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
