that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
