i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
