I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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