The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
