Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
