also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
