im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
