Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
