false alarm. still invincible.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
