Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
