I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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